you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Alive.
So much puke
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
