You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
