4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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