i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
