Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
