The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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