"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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