i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
