Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
