when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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