He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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