i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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