Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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