Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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