my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
