I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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