I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
