My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
