its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
