it hurts more in the daytime
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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