Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize
