the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
