I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
