So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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