it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
