I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
