is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
