dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
