I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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