WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
