I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
