do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
