Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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