Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
