Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
