You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
