How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
