She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
