what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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