i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
