Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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