yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
