Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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