i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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