I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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