I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You smell like stripper and shame
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
