mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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