I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
