sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it hurts more in the daytime
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
