My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
