Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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