Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
