She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
