i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
