My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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