I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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