And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
