i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
